Yes, it’s back folks - ‘Strictly Football’ has returned for the 84th season running, as Vets 1 closed the summer transfer window with two new signings in B Sinkovic and T Levionnais, although unfortunately their agents (wives) would only agree season long loan deals.

The ABSSA super computer had also thrown up 4 juicy opening fixtures for Vets 1, all pitted against old foes. With selection remarkably good for the start of the season and our new commander in chief Keizer Chief Rice preparing the squad diligently, only the new XXXL kit could drag us down. Surely.

A quick recap: Match day 1, away to British United we lost 4-1 with a thoroughly wretched performance. Match day 2, home to ITT Gecko it finished a disappointing 1-1, when even with 10 men we should have won the game convincingly.

Match day 3, your pitch-side reporter was on hand in leafy La Hulpe where Vets 1 would take on the might of Brussels LTC 7. Rice had selected another strong squad and, not leaving anything to chance, would also adjudicate the match. Lewis brought his blankety blank notebook and pen.

The squad: Sjerson in nets; a back four of Waite Hoskins, Di Fabio and Christensen; a midfield of Ledbury, Knight, Cabaret, Belfi, and Levionnais; and riding point but carrying a knock was Cajade. Three able subs in the mercurial Salvel, the lithe Johan Sebastian Ten Holter, and our pin up boy Sardaro.

Kick off and Vets 1 started well with a strong tempo, dominating the opposition without creating any clear-cut opportunities. Our dominance drew immediate calls of "too aggressive” from the opposition. Their main threat was on the left wing, a tricky winger who was up ended systematically by Christenson and then Ledbury to the wanton cries of the opposition. Vets1 were in control, Di Fabio was comfortable on the left, Waite and Hoskins secure with Belfi and Knight marauding forward while Ledbury patrolled. Only to be thwarted by a sweet but speculative drive struck from distance, it nestled in the top corner with a flailing Sjesron unable to keep it out, 1-0. Undeserved to say the least, hence the adage when you are on top make it count, or else.

Eventually our tormentor in chief Cajede slipped between two defenders only to be sandwiched and hauled down, PENALTY. Enter Hoskins who stepped up, gave the goalkeeper the eyes, and with a swivel of the hips it was in the net, keeper no chance, and the least we deserved. Half time came at 1-1. Vets 1 quickly identified the only two players in the opposition to nullify, while the referee took some well-earned respite from the oppositions lamentable cries throughout the half.

2nd half underway it was still a niggly affair, LTC continued to barrack the referee about being tackled then produced another speculative effort from range: 2-1, Vets 1 were required to respond again.

Cabaret’s aerial threat produced an opportunity with a close range header that fell short, then from a swift breakaway an attempted long-range lob from Christenson went awry, he ended up a in heap and the ball hit the sidelines. Bring on the artillery: ‘BLM’ – Belfi Launch Mechanism, from another exocet throw in, LTC were forced to concede a corner from which Levionnais put in a quality ball. Hoskins was again on hand at the back post to score his second of the match, 2-2.

Di Fabio swapped for Salvel and Cajade for Ten Holter followed by Cabaret who exited after receiving an intentional blow that the ref did not see. However, through his trendy spectacles he saw the next infringement, a glancing headbutt to Ledbury after a tussle for the ball. A straight red and LTC’s dander was up, as they played better with 10 men, eventually forcing a late corner and a near-post flick into the net, 3-2 as the clock ticked down. Vets 1 had to rally in the little time left and did so. Straight up to the other end, another Levionnais corner and another back-post header by Hoskins, hurrah! We cheered, the ref whistled, it finished 3-3 and LTC trudged off muttering and bemoaning life in general.

Hoskins rightly took the plaudits, the MOM, and an early sniff at the golden boot. A man in form.

Match day 4, we march on for another tasty encounter with Cosmos from deepest Molenbeek visiting evergreen Rosières. Let’s put them to the sword again, as we have in the past. [We subsequently did 3-0 ^-^]