BRITISH UTD 2-4 RBBFC VETS 2

With Capt. Ffinch active on the phone giving directions, ‘Turn right at the circus tent’, you would have hoped that the clowns were all busy practicing their routines. But one had escaped.

‘If I am supposed to have the kit, which I think I am, I haven’t got it!’

Not the ideal preparation for a local derby that all had been talking about for the past couple of weeks, but what would Saturday be without some Chris Riley comedy entertainment. As for his ring? We won’t go there.

Reserve kit hastily retrieved, and looking like a 1920’s AC Milan, formation and positions were assigned. (3-5-2), Mike between the sticks, with Bas, Sean and Alex across the back, Neil, George, Chris.R, Damien and Pete through the middle and Timme and Chris.F up front. Riding the pine were Ronnie, Laurent, Kenny and Hughie.

A good pitch, a bit of drizzle, ideal football conditions, and British Utd were up for it, as the physical first skirmishes proved, the first 15 minutes end to end. For all the good passing and movement, our final ball just wasn’t working and their back-line were able to snuff out any attacks. At the other end the combined defensive qualities of Sean, Bas and Alex were keeping a well drilled and strong British Utd forward pairing quiet.

So it was against the run of play that Utd scored. A ball fed into the box, was headed back towards goal by Bas (Bas’ disliking of wet balls having an impact), and despite the desperate lunge of Mike, the deftest of touches by their striker gave Utd the lead.

The breakthrough came midway through the half. Vets 2 had been pressing more and more and their efforts paid off when George picked up the ball on the edge of the box and struck it low and to the keepers left. The man with the gloves should have done better, he didn’t, 1-1.

This galvanised Vets 2, as they forced the home team into several scrambled clearances. A diving header from Timme flew narrowly wide and a further blast from our frontline, hit ‘Row Z’ from a good position.

Vets 2 weren’t going to lay down, their game went up a level. Increased probing, and use of the wide mean Neil and Pete continued to put pressure on the Utd defence. Mazy runs by George, Tim and Chris.F continued to ask questions. Finally there was reward as a loose ball was smashed into the roof of the net by the captain.

The Vets 2 midfield and defence continued to thwart whatever attacks Utd had, with Mike only being called into action to pick up loose balls, and stop a rare one-on-one with his legs.

Job done thought Alex, as he decided to get an early shower, his confidence high. Replacing him was Laurent, who slotted in at left-back.

The midfield were having such an easy time of it, that George and Chris.R even had time to swing a few handbags, only for the ref to blow-up for halftime before the catfight could really get started.

‘Same again’ was the message at the break, but with more aggression.

Those words were heeded, and Vets 2 came out of the blocks looking to put the game to sleep. Damien came more into the game and began snapping at the oppositions heals, and they played stray passes.

Ronnie came on in place of Pete Brown, who donned fedora, grabbed a whip and went off in search of his lost underpants in an Indiana Jones stylee. The move bore fruit almost immediately, when a ball whipped across the box from the right was bundled in off some part of his body by Ronnie.

Another change, with Capt Ffinch making way for Kenny to bring some youth to the side. That youth was quickly in the mix, and chances came and went for Vets 2 as last ditch tackles by Utd thwarted the rampant away side.

The Vets 2 defence had dealt with all that was thrown at them, and looked comfortable until one of the Utd front men managed to wriggle out of a tackle, bear down on goal and slot past the oncoming Mike.

2-3 and nerves were jangling. Hughie came on for Neil and calls of ‘we want to win this, don’t mess up’ (toned down for our under 35 readers), rang out from the sideline. But nerves of steel we have, and Timme put the game out of reach of Utd with a finish that can only be described as agonising due to the amount of time he took to put it away, but put it away he did, 2-4.

As the Night Vision Goggles were being readied, or at least carrots being sourced, Utd were handed a lifeline via a free-kick on the edge of the Vets box. The wall was lined up, but the taker could only put it straight at Mike, who blocked more than saved the effort, and with that the game was won.

A good game from both teams. Across the board, the Vets put in a shift, attacked and defended as one and put away most of their chances.

Mid-table obscurity, but on the up.