Team: Kris Mercelis / Andy Hodgson, Nils McGrath, Dex Bernardo, Ed Ricketts / Jonny Mojena, Rich McGeehan / Ivalyo Penev, Steve Lamarra, Maarten Billiet / Thomas Kelleramn

Subs: Luc Cardona, Lolo Legere

On the morrow of the 28th of September, AnnusDdei MMXIII, 14 brave warriors of the mighty RBBFC clan gathered on the green plains of Boitsfort for the epic clash that would forever be known as...Take Them To The Cleaners and Air Dry Those Broomsticks. All the omens where there, a sunny blue sky, fresh faces, a better, albeit still moderate, pitch, a Lamarra hangover and Field Marshal John W McGrath's lucky hat (yes, you know the one I'm talking about that smelly piece of fake turkish DKNY trash :))

In the dressing room, captain McGrath went through the line-up...

This always results in the same image, the hearts of the soldiers who are fortunate enough to start are filled with joy and excitement but they also immediately look around to check who is on the bench because they worry that they might be subbed at halftime, just like Lamarra during the one game I can't remember from last season.

The soldiers who are given an honourable spot on the bench look down at their boots and ponder how many minutes they will be given to prove their worth.

Meanwhile, McGrath & Son are giving their pre-match speechs that nobody ever remembers because they are a) buzzing to be starting and dreaming about scoring a hattrick

b) looking at their boots, pondering when they will come on.

Anyway, as the Brits were warming up on their side of the pitch, the opposition was doing all sorts of strange exercises usually adopted by a girls volleybal team. But...they were looking sharp and eager so this promised to be a very intensive game where there was no room for complacency.

And so it began...

After the first whistle, the girls volleyball team found themselves struggling to clear the ball close to their own penalty area where Maarten 'the Cheetah' Billiet used his acceleration to knick the ball from two girls, passed it to Tommy 'the Aardvark' Kellermann who neatly backheeled it to the Cheetah who finished coolly with his left foot. The crowd goes wild! 1 nil to the Brits after 1 minute of playing time. After this disastrous start for CDB, they immediately started playing with brutal intensity and scorching pace. Shots were parried, attacks broken up, defenders screamed as they headed the balls away...but they kept on coming and coming. This constant pressure lead to the inevitable equaliser where a powerful cross from their right flank was met by the head of their midfielder and went straight to the top corner. Boom! there goes the neighbourhood!

This game was already a classic after 15 mins of play.

The game balanced a bit after that but the Brits were very unfortunate to go behind 10 mins before the break. Another cross was met by another head, but this time, it was Nils 'the Sloth' McGrath who tried to intercept it while our goalie Kris 'the Poodle' Mercelis was ready to gather the ball in his arms. As soon as he hit it, everybody knew that it was not going to simply go out for a throw in...The ball was launched in the air like a V2 rocket and took an agonisingly long flight to end up in the top corner. Our top corner. 1-2. Fudge.

Now was to time to react and get back in this thing. Andrew 'the Meerkat' Hodgson pulled of another pinpoint pass along the sidelines for Billiet. He beat his man, looked up and whipped in a delightful cross from the right where our own Gerd Muller finished with a sublime header that put the goalie on the wrong foot. BOOM! Who's your daddy!!!??

Half time. Wise words from McGrath & Son undoubtedly, but I forgot them.

Substitution: Decio 'the Octopus' Bernardo had to be taken off due to a dirty foul in the middle of the first half which saw him injured and unable to continue after a heroic display at the heart of the defence and on comes Luc 'the Dolphin' Cardona, our new striker capable of scaring the sh*t out of enemy defenses all over Middle Earth.

It didn't take long for Cardona to put his mark on this epic game. After a silky touch, he used his supreme technique to launch a pass with the outside of the left foot to release the Bomber (aka the Meerkat) ...there was only 1 result after that, 2-3!!! This was the beginning of a battering that would not stop until the final whistle.

The audience was in for a real treat. Snake-like dribbles, thunderous passes, razor sharp tackles, lightning fast runs...this was just like watching the Red Devils in Mexico '86 (and Brazil '14?)

The fourth RBBFC goal was a lot like the 2nd. Hodgson released Billiet on the right hand side and whipped in a dangerous cross between the goalie and the CDB defense. The Bomber and 3 CDB defenders all went but missed the ball and the goalie could only get a touch to it...right into the feet of Steve 'the Honeybadger' Lamarra who sent the ball where it belongs, in the enemy net! Another goal by one of RBBFC's greatest warriors who never misses an appointment with history (except today where he was dogsh*te all day until he scored).

Everybody was thinking that this would be it...but the mighty Brits wanted more. You might say to yourself, did the opposition play in the 2nd half? Well they did, but other than a header which was expertly saved by Mercelis and a fantastic goalline clearance from Hodgson, they were basically playing volleyball like a girls team.

Anyway, the Brits wanted more... And they would get it. The combined forces of Edward 'the Rhinoceros' Ricketts and Jonathan 'the King Cobra' Mojena, resulted in Lamarra winning the ball in midfield who passed it to Richard 'the Panda' McGeehan. McGeehan showed superb composure and slid the ball neatly to the Bomber. Tommy then showed why there is only 1 Kellerman by beating his man and finishing expertly with a Henri-esque banana shot.

2-5. Done and dusted. Thank you very much for a nice game of football. See you at the bar if you're up for a drinking contest (which they didn't obviously, knowing the RBBFC reputation when it comes to beer chugging).

Thanks for reading m:)

Reporter & (if you hadn't guessed) MOM: Maarten Billiet

Oh yeah, forgot something. Laurent 'the Giraffe' Legere came on and injured himself after 5 minutes.